"GAY"

i am just an evil guy...cant ever can love a girl proberly...y?when u too take care about of her...some girl will think that u maybe are a gay...but some are think that u are taking care of them...i had been hurt by this word"GAY"...this is because i too take care about a girl that i love...everyday or night i will msg her...maybe in her eyes i am just a gay person...not a guy that are very taking care of her...after that day i started that feel like i am a gay...scare dirty,not brave,action like a girl,dunno to hold lover's hand and more...i think that i needed to change this all attitude during this holiday...but got one thing i cant change is clean...it is too hard for me...a bit of dirty,i wanted to wash it until clean...haiz...i cant change it anymore...who can help me?